The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
