Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
