I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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