Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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