I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
