thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
