At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
