Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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