I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
