btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
