So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
