I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
