my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
