You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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