margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
