i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
