You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
