you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
