also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
