My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
