Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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