The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
