would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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