So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
