he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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