in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
