i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
