If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
