Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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