i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize