She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
