Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
