by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
