so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
