In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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