all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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