i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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