dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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