Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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