Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
