I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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