If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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