around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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