i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
