Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
