didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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