mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
bring money and cleavage
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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