If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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