it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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