It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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