I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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