Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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