Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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