my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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