I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
there was a trapeze. enough said
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
