Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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