You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
