remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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