I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
