oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize