i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am full of burrito and curiosity
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
