Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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