Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
