It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
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