Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
