it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
