Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my being single is dangerous.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
