my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
