I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
