she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
