i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
