discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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