Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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