margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
