So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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