Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
