so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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