sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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