i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize