I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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