You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
