she looked like the before picture.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
