i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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