The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
